Cookie cutter Christians

I don't want to be a cookie cutter Christian. In fact, I don't even want to be called a Christian anymore. Ok....gasp....cough....don't leave a hairball please.....some may ask, and some have, "how can you say that..." I don't often in public.......I have no venom helmet.

There is so much confusion today as to who and what a Christian is. A "Christian" is one who follows Christ right? I am not so sure. There are many people who call themselves Christians, so very loosely, and don't have the faintest idea of what that means. You know the ones who go to church on s-nday and honk and wave their hands in disgust as they leave the parking lot. The ones who are signing petitions to support same sex marriages. I spent many years in that culture. Or the ones who have all the answers for everyone else, but failed to truly look into their own hearts. The ones who forsake Him on Friday and find Him on Sunday.....They stand firm in their rituals and rites and have no idea what they mean or how they came about. It is like an assembly line. They want to all act the same and look alike. There so busy trying to save others, they forgot how to save themselves. Extremes either way.....total freedom or no freedom. Some would call it legalism. They judge people on who they hang out with and what church they attend. They judge each other on being to rowdy or not rowdy enough. They are supposed to look a certain way and talk a certain way, not to mention pray a certain way. I have had enough of all of that...I reread my words and I think that I am being harsh....

In my humble opinion, they barely know who Jesus is....I call Him Yeshua now. It makes perfect sense to me to call Him by His Hebrew name. Afterall, He was jewish. How does that not makes sense to anyone else around me, and why can't I call Him what i want?

I have found myself having to give explanations about this. I don't see why it is so confusing. I shutter to think about anyone reading this blog. I think about how they are going to throw fiery arrows at my thoughts typed softly. I can say all those things...because I once was all those things and more. I still struggle in my sinfulness. Now, I am just after the truth of it all. I broke the cutter and I am an odd cookie. I prefer being called a Sojourner now. I am on a journey to get closer than ever to the One who came to save me Yeshua, more obedient to the One who created me, my Papa, Yahuah and listen softly to the One who teaches and talks to me Holy Ruach. the ONE....who always was, is and will be the same today, tomorrow and yesterday.....His rules haven't changed, why have the cookies?

The bottom line for me.....Deut. 6:13 Fear Yehuah your Elohim and serve Him, and swear by His Name. Do NOT go after other mighty ones, the mighty ones of the peoples who are all around you." It is because I have been given a taste of that fear....that I can change from who I once was, and what i used to be called, to who I am now, this moment.....Now I understand why I chose this blog's name, and why I wrote my introduction the way I did. It was a foreshadowing of today. Thank you Papa....

sometimes

Sometimes things just seem so uncertain. It seems as though I have been chosen to ride a permanent roller coaster ride. I was thinking through the question: What should you do when you are shaken and sifted? I definately feel like my life is in a perpetual shifting and shaking. And I wonder somedays....is this just the way it is? I read that when life seems to be sifting and shaking that one should REJOICE because satan knows you have crossed the line of obedience.....Is it prideful to say that I play an important role in Yeshua's kingdom? yes...that is what I call my Jesus now. Am I really to be set apart as a witness to many? There is a price to pay for that, and if those with me come along for the ride, they pay the price as well. Am I in bootcamp and being prepared to His eternal puposes? And what could that possibly be or look like? Who am I? This i know....the greater my surrender, the more of my yield to the heart and will of Papa, the more severe the sifting. It has begun

My question is....is it always something.....is there always something being shaken and sifted in everyone's life? or am I just a whimp who lives by easily being overwhelmed and sweating in the small stuff.....

Lately there has been a huge shift in my life.....I have come to questions everything I believe in. The answers I am finding in my questions, leave me with more questions. I find that I just can't believe that I am living what I am thinking..... I feel like an outsider watching my life. I have become a defender of something greater than I and something I yet don't understand...Some would call this blind faith. But I contend that I am already blind, being led by a bright light. So, I close my eyes tight, and hold on for dear life, cause I don't know what is around the next corner or how to explain what I know is deep truth. The hardest thing, is being in it all alone. No one understands and no one listens. EXCEPT the One who is placing this time in my life. And that I am pretty sure it is by design.

Oh, that I would come to Him like a little child. That He would handcuff me to Himself and lead this blind daughter into true light once and for all.

People are questioning me, belittling me, poking fun at me....turning their back on me and keeping their distance. I feel myself being separated...but separated for what? Is this really the journey I should be taking? Is it of my own making? How can it be? I look back on the dusty trail, and I see it has all led to this moment in time.

I started this blog before my eyes were opened to new truth. I called myself Yahweh's daughter. I didn't know what it meant. I am just now cracking open the door. Behind the door is a bright light. I still can't see whats ahead, but the warmth and invitation to find out is overwhelming, consuming and comforting in some ways. That is strange in itself.

sweet aroma

Two years ago, I planted some Lavender. After the first winter, over half my plants didn't make it. I was really sad. I remember ripping out the dead shriveled plants and discarding them. I decided to try again with some new plants last spring.

This winter in Iowa was a particularly hard winter. For as long as we have lived in Iowa, I have never seen this amount of snow. I have never seen it last as long as it did. I was concerned that my little lavender plants would not make it once again.

I love the smell of lavender, it has a calming effect. I love the dainty greenery. It reaches heavenward. The color purple reminds me of royalty. I am royalty. I am the King's daughter. It is fitting that I would like purple. There must have been two feet of snow hovering over my plants. In the past couple of days, the snow has melted. I went and checked on my plants today. They looked wonderful. Amazingly, they were green and fragrant. All the rest of my shrubs and plants look dead. I know there is life in there somewhere. But they pale to the amazing condition of the lavender.

What is it that makes things risilient? How can in one moment a plant wither and die, but given even harsher conditions, it would live and thrive. I didn't do anything different with either plantings. God must have. He has another lesson for me through His creation.

Trials have been many these days. I can either choose to weather the storm alone or I can reach my arms upward towards heaven like the lavender. When I am grafted and connected to the TRUE vine, I can't help but have life in me. My prayer is that I would remain in such a posture and at the same time be a sweet aroma to my Lord. That I would trust Him to bring me through any season with life and beauty; no matter how much snow is piled on top of me, for how long. I know that He will breathe on me and melt away all that weighed me down, and that I will once again be thriving in peace and tranquility as I rest and trust in Him alone.

that He came

That He came

That I might live.

He washes my guilt away...

so I can truly live....

what amazing love...

I have life

abundant life...

because of His sacrifice for me.

little ole me.

I was worth it to Him.

He loved me that much.

Amazing.

How could it be?

A sacrifice He gave for me?

What can I do for Him?

Believe?

Trust?

Obey?

And so, then,

How shall I live?

embarassed to say His name?

To give a testimony?

Will I dance like I never have danced before?

or sing like I have never sung before?

Will I shout out praises to Him because He is worthy?

To live is to admit....

He is All.

Unashamedly so.

Where is strength?

Where is strength? True strength?

Right here. Drinking from living water.

No matter what anyone thinks...

or says....

It is deep,

deep down in the well of

the very person I am, and have become.

I am nothing....apart from Christ.

I know it.

I believe it.

I live it...

Day by day....moment by moment.

Because He has showed me.

They say I am crazy and eccentric.

Some say I am forcing it.

I have never been more sane in my life.

More sure.

More in love with the One

who Chose me first.

If that makes me crazy...

so be it.

Who?

Who am I really?

Do I know?

Faceted life of experiences.

Some remembered and some forgotten.

Some uncovered.

Like a blanket of snow melted off the grass.

What will it expose?

Green with growth, or brown with death.

Can I except it or hide from shame; like the beginnings

of humanity?

Am I what I was shaped to be?

Intricately weaved and positioned to receive,

that which i may never remember?

Feelings true or imagined....

Why do I have the thoughts I have and not understand?

Is there something more that I know not?

Patterns and layers upon layers,

To shape what and who I am...

It is ALL good.

do what I may, to please and give glory

to the One who called me to be His own.

I try in my own strength, and fail.

Lay it down, surrender, to the perplexities of life

that take me on a journey,

turbulent,

but strong.

Refined and polished.

Gleaming.

Be ye holy, for I AM holy.

Startled and home.

Listening

Sometimes you don't want to hear.

You shut it out.

Block out reality...

And then...

Like shattered glass....it comes

Words are powerful.

They change..they heal...they hurt...

Whatever they are...they can't be taken away.

Are you listening....

to the still, small voice that matters....?

or to the one that condemns, accuses, splashes the horizon with guilt?

Do you believe what you hear?

Do you know whose voice you are listening to?

Be sure....

Know....

Truth...

what is it?

Can you ever know for certain?

Yes...it screams for attention.

It is louder than the lies.

It is alive and vibrant and

sometimes it is painful.

It pierces the marrow and bones.

But it brings life, when you think that death is near.

Truth....

Springs forth in vibrant reminders

of what is...

What has always been.....

Life abiding in the Vine....

That is where life and truth can be found.

Simply Abide.

Stay connected....

Know...

Truth.