Seeking and Finding my Destiny in Him

I have been crucified with Yeshua; It is no longer I who live, but Yeshua who lives in me. And the life I now live in the body, I live by faith in, adherence to, reliance on and complete trust in the Son of God, who loved me and gave Himself up for me.
Galatians 2:20

Sunday, March 14, 2010

sweet aroma


Two years ago, I planted some Lavender. After the first winter, over half my plants didn't make it. I was really sad. I remember ripping out the dead shriveled plants and discarding them. I decided to try again with some new plants last spring.
This winter in Iowa was a particularly hard winter. For as long as we have lived in Iowa, I have never seen this amount of snow. I have never seen it last as long as it did. I was concerned that my little lavender plants would not make it once again.
I love the smell of lavender, it has a calming effect. I love the dainty greenery. It reaches heavenward. The color purple reminds me of royalty. I am royalty. I am the King's daughter. It is fitting that I would like purple. There must have been two feet of snow hovering over my plants. In the past couple of days, the snow has melted. I went and checked on my plants today. They looked wonderful. Amazingly, they were green and fragrant. All the rest of my shrubs and plants look dead. I know there is life in there somewhere. But they pale to the amazing condition of the lavender.
What is it that makes things risilient? How can in one moment a plant wither and die, but given even harsher conditions, it would live and thrive. I didn't do anything different with either plantings. God must have. He has another lesson for me through His creation.
Trials have been many these days. I can either choose to weather the storm alone or I can reach my arms upward towards heaven like the lavender. When I am grafted and connected to the TRUE vine, I can't help but have life in me. My prayer is that I would remain in such a posture and at the same time be a sweet aroma to my Lord. That I would trust Him to bring me through any season with life and beauty; no matter how much snow is piled on top of me, for how long. I know that He will breathe on me and melt away all that weighed me down, and that I will once again be thriving in peace and tranquility as I rest and trust in Him alone.

Friday, March 12, 2010

that He came


That He came
That I might live.
He washes my guilt away...
so I can truly live....
what amazing love...
I have life
abundant life...
because of His sacrifice for me.
little ole me.
I was worth it to Him.
He loved me that much.
Amazing.
How could it be?
A sacrifice He gave for me?
What can I do for Him?
Believe?
Trust?
Obey?
And so, then,
How shall I live?
embarassed to say His name?
To give a testimony?
Will I dance like I never have danced before?
or sing like I have never sung before?
Will I shout out praises to Him because He is worthy?
To live is to admit....
He is All.
Unashamedly so.

Where is strength?

Where is strength? True strength?
Right here. Drinking from living water.
No matter what anyone thinks...
or says....
It is deep,
deep down in the well of
the very person I am, and have become.
I am nothing....apart from Christ.
I know it.
I believe it.
I live it...
Day by day....moment by moment.
Because He has showed me.
They say I am crazy and eccentric.
Some say I am forcing it.
I have never been more sane in my life.
More sure.
More in love with the One
who Chose me first.
If that makes me crazy...
so be it.

Who?

Who am I really?
Do I know?
Faceted life of experiences.
Some remembered and some forgotten.
Some uncovered.
Like a blanket of snow melted off the grass.
What will it expose?
Green with growth, or brown with death.
Can I except it or hide from shame; like the beginnings
of humanity?
Am I what I was shaped to be?
Intricately weaved and positioned to receive,
that which i may never remember?
Feelings true or imagined....
Why do I have the thoughts I have and not understand?
Is there something more that I know not?
Patterns and layers upon layers,
To shape what and who I am...
It is ALL good.
do what I may, to please and give glory
to the One who called me to be His own.
I try in my own strength, and fail.
Lay it down, surrender, to the perplexities of life
that take me on a journey,
turbulent,
but strong.
Refined and polished.
Gleaming.
Be ye holy, for I AM holy.
Startled and home.



Listening

Sometimes you don't want to hear.
You shut it out.
Block out reality...
And then...
Like shattered glass....it comes
Words are powerful.
They change..they heal...they hurt...
Whatever they are...they can't be taken away.
Are you listening....
to the still, small voice that matters....?
or to the one that condemns, accuses, splashes the horizon with guilt?
Do you believe what you hear?
Do you know whose voice you are listening to?
Be sure....
Know....
Truth...
what is it?
Can you ever know for certain?
Yes...it screams for attention.
It is louder than the lies.
It is alive and vibrant and
sometimes it is painful.
It pierces the marrow and bones.
But it brings life, when you think that death is near.
Truth....
Springs forth in vibrant reminders
of what is...
What has always been.....
Life abiding in the Vine....
That is where life and truth can be found.
Simply Abide.
Stay connected....
Know...
Truth.

Remember

Sometimes life seem so loud.
And Sometimes I want it that way.
When life is loud, my painful heart cries can't be heard by anyone.
And I don't want anyone to hear them.
It is in those times that the ponderings of God's heart
clamor to come out and find a place,
a quiet place for me to listen to His ever still voice.
The Ones who can hear God are the ones who are still
at the feet of Jesus and who's lips do not part;
who cease to speak of themselves.
Where my temple becomes a quiet refuge
and where His healing touch can minister to the secret,
hidden places that no one knows about.
In silence, I can stop reacting and start reflecting on the thoughts
of the Father to His daughter.
it is the place where I receive strength.
It is where He shows me His ways
And I learn from Jesus to be obedient
and reverent with all humility.
In my silence, He brings to my mind the sins
which have so easily entangled me....and
He sorts them out and brings me gently
to the point of repentance.
In silence, the mountains of life do not seem so big anymore,
and He melts them...so I can climb up in victory attached to
the Life Line securely.
Proverbs 10:19 In the multitude of words sin is not lacking....But he who restrains his lips is wise.

Isaiah 30:15 For thus says the Lord God, The Holy One of Israel: In returning and rest you shall be saved; in quietness and confidence shall be your strength.

Isaiah 32:17 The work of the righteousness will be peace. And the effect of righteousness, quietness an assurance forever....My people will dwell in a peaceful habitation, In secure dwellings and in quiet resting places.

May the Lord always keep us in ALL His fullness and in quietness.....

Bridges

There are bridges in life...
Bridges that you cross and you know for certain THAT you will NEVER be the same.
And who would want to be.
Perfection.
Christ brings us to the place...
He is the example of....perfection....
Isn't that what we want?
To be more like Him?
Cost.
There is a price to pay....
Is it worth it...
Some say not...
I
I say, YES...
He has never let me down...
Nor....
He has He EVER not made a good thing out of a bad..
Who do I want to be?
Am I willing to go through the fire to get there?
Yes.
Trusting is hard.
But is there anything else?
HE has proved Himself time and again....
So....
i let go of what I think
of the control I imagine I have....
and I lose
My life
for HIS sake.....

The eyes of a Son

Penetrating.
Truth.
Can he hear Me?
The voice that He is speaking through me?
Give it up.
He is not yours...never was...a gift.
Truth.
Compellling...
Does he know who he is?
Yet?
He is not ready he says...
Why?
The pull of the world....dreams not of the Father....
Conflict.
Love covers it all unconditionally.
Someday, sometime...
Fulfillment...
Of the Heart of the Father.....
maybe not today...but someday....
Hope..
Of a mother's heart and dreams for her son.
She knows...
She knows who he really is...
even if...
even if he is running right now...
The Lord.....
He has it all handled.
Rest.
Eyes...
Connection of something deeper than life..
Binding life of one to the other....
He knows...
He understands...
He has to choose....
Will it be today?
i pray...


musings...an attempt at a poem

Fragmented.
Confused.
Uncertain.
Wounded.
Angry and Betrayed.
Why?
Because I AM.
I KNOW.
GLORY.
My glory.....
Blessings and lessons.....
Hard.
Impossible, but yet ALL things are.
Hiding and found.
Crying and healed.
YOU can related, can't you O God?
Feeling crushed and perplexed...
Betrayed by Ones who claimed.....
Yet knowing....
O Lord....Your wings are big enough aren't they?
Beauty made from ashes...
Strength coming from weakness.
Confidence from loss....
Simply apparent....
understanding....
for this one moment in time....
that will never come again....

one moment

I am convinced that there isn't one moment to waste on the trivial. It all counts. Cherish every moment. It can all change in a blink of an eye. Every second has a meaning and a higher purpose. Love. Just Love. You many not have another minute. What you think is, may not be what is at all. I used to think that I was the star of my own movie. My life: starring me. I have found out recently that it isn't my movie at all. I am not a star at all. I don't have a choice in the role I play, what script plays out, who the co- stars are in the movie with me, what the plot is......I have no choice. The only choice I ever have is to love. AND to choose to live each moment as if it really matters. Not that it matters for me, but that it matters for the One who created me. Love covers all. Love is all that matters.....When all else fails....love remains. When things get so out of control, the only thing to fall back on is the ONE who loves, who IS love. When everyone in the world fails you, the ONE who loves you, waits for you to come to HIM to pick you up and pick up the broken pieces of a shattered world. When you can't feel or understand, the one thing that remains, is.... that unbelieveable feeling, that you are not alone....that someone, somewhere is holding you together......JESUS....He is the ONE. He understands. HE comes....He fills in the gaps of misunderstandings. He brings peace when nothing can soothe a broken heart. He knows....every thought before it comes. Betrayal....He knows about that. But He will never do that.....In fact, He rescues us from the very ones that we think to trust, but should not. He is the God of possibilities in an impossible world. The only thing that holds it all together, including the beating of my heart and the air in my lungs, is something so BIG, so wonderful, and He chose me. He holds it all together. Everything would fall apart......Embrace...every moment....for there may not be another. Certainly not like the one we just had.....